I get it. You hate boobs and everything about them. Actually I don't get it. I don't get the squeamishness, or the bigoted comments. I don't get the overwhelming desire to give a fuck what a person is doing, especially when it impacts nothing of you. I have become increasingly more annoyed with people having issues with breastfeeding.
My wife had a hard enough time sticking through breastfeeding that hearing your snide comments about feeding your baby formula helps nothing. Formula is gross and I am not going to go down THAT route. I am 100 percent supportive of women who can not breastfeed and HAVE to use formula. I have no problem if you want to use formula because you don't like the idea of bfing.. but what the fuck.
When I hear someone say, "It offends me that you breastfeed" anywhere, I shutter. I am offended that you can breathe you soulless douche. The fucked up thing is that 98 percent of the time, I see no more than some skin of a side boob, I see way more than that at a water park or a mall even. People that are "offended" by bfing, shouldn't go to malls (with Vic Secret) or a pool, or a beach, or be married for that matter.
There is a difference of course. At Vix Secrets and beaches, it's all about the sexy. It's about being exposed and objectifying as fuck. Bfing is about feeding your baby... this tiny little thing that people fight so hard to bring into this world but yet shrill at the thought of mother's milk being used to feed it.
I'm not saying anything that hasn't already been said, but seriously, what the fuck. There are parts of the world that don't give a shit about people breastfeeding. People here eat fucking chemical products called fast food every fucking day, yet have an issue with a natural process.
Milk comes from breasts of mammals, science stuff, not because it's so fucking sexy. Actually it's because that's how babies were fed back in the day. That's how all mammals are still fed. Envision taking every cow, goat, or dog even away from its mother to give it formula... fucking stupid.
I could rant way too long about this but I feel like I'd get nowhere. Just know, it's legal to breastfeed in public in my state. If my wife is doing so, and you feel so inclined as to comment, realize that I will take you to the store, buy formula, and stick it so far up your ass that you puke out a finished product. Fuck you so very much.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Why I hate restaurants.
I used to work in the service industry, I get it. You get paid like shit, your boss is a perv, and frankly the job is fucking worthless. You encounter hundreds of fucking old people who want their toast a certain temp and their eggs sunny side up, but the problem is you don't serve breakfast. I try to sympathize but sometimes, servers (and cooks) are just stupid.
Recently, my wife, son, and I attended a restaurant. We've been there before, and we seen this particular server before (two months ago).This individual was a walking what the fuck. When we arrived, I was already exhausted and hungry, my 9 month pregnant wife was obviously hungry and tired, and my 17 month old son was always hungry.
The restaurant was not by anybody's imagination "busy". We're talking about 5 or 6 tables, all 2 tops except one table with 4 criminal justice students. There were about 5 servers on and I'm just thinking "Sweet, in and out". I was wrong, and that is a common occurrence.
We sat there awhile, nothing to crazy, and this server walks up and asks us what we'd like to drink. He mentioned he was a horrible speller and may need to view the menu to spell some things. I didn't give a shit about that, if it wasn't for spell check you'd think a 5 year old wrote these blogs. We ordered our drinks and he sprinted off.
He came back fairly swiftly and dropped off the drinks. It was lovely, and then it started to suck. He literally sprinted off before I could mention that we were ready to order. He was gone for about 15 minutes and came running back through to talk to the 4 criminal justice students (sitting kitty-corner of us);
"Hey guys, ummm, I'm really sorry but your order is going to take like, more than 20 minutes. We have like a 300 dollar to go order, and the manager wants that to go first. Is that ok?"
"Well, no, we gotta go back to class in 30 mins, and it's a 15 minute or so drive... we'll just pay for our drinks and head out..."
"Okay, I'm really sorry guys"
"It's okay, totally not your fault"
That was it. They were super cool about it. He approached our table and attempted to take our order. I was real cool about it, and showed him exactly what we wanted so he could spell it out. He was dumbfounded by spelling mac and cheese. Urg but whatever.
He ran off and came back a bit later to the students. They didn't get pissed when he came with 4 different checks (all of them wrong somehow) and had to go back... fast forward 10 mins. and they are finally walking out the door. Meanwhile our first round of drinks are empty and my son is pissed to the point of screaming.
The server comes up and mentions that our food should be up in about 10 minutes... cool, I'm fucking famished and have to work in like 1.5 hours (plenty o time).
"Ok, 10 minutes is cool" I say
"Ok thanks, I just had to deal with some cops and they were really rude"
Again he ran off... The "cops" were really cool to this guy and he just straight d-bagged it up. On top of that, they gave him another table. A woman, man, and newborn. This guy goes up and the first thing out of his mouth is, "Hi, good thing your not cops, I just had a group of really rude cops." Idiot.
20 minutes later, I don't even see this guy and I'm getting concerned that he got lost on his way back to the kitchen. He strolls around the corner and says, "Hey guys, small mix-up, but your food is being worked on right now."
Ok, so firstly, it isn't 10 minutes.... and secondly fine, I ordered a salad, my wife got a soup, and my son got a mac and cheese, should be quick. Fast forward another 20 minutes, and he strolls by again.
"Excuse me sir?"
"Yeah whats up?"
"Um, it's not a huge deal, but where is our food?" (It was a huge deal... it had been close to an hour and a half since we got there and it was running on 1 oclock... I leave my house at 1:30 for work.)
"Oh, I had to re-enter it. Like I said earlier, it's ONLY my 6th day by myself. I..."
I ignored everything said at that point. I was hungry, my kid was starved, and my wife was doing all she could to not lose her shit. He wandered off after my wife acknowledged whatever he said.
He goes to the computer and starts frantically typing something in. I'm thinking, "that is not our order... no way." As he strolls by I flag him down...
"Did you JUST enter our order?"
"Yeah, if you were listening before, it's my 6th day by myself..." ramble ramble ramble
WHAT THE FUCK!? I don't care if it was your first day out of the fucking womb. If you have a question, ask someone... if you fuck up, man up. This dude blamed like everybody for him sucking at this job. I kept my cool and simply suggested;
"We have to go. I have to work soon. Can we get the check?"
To wrap it up. We did end up getting our food to-go. It sucked, probably due to the fact that it had been 2 hours since I ordered it. I talked to a manager and he douched it up real nice too. "Yeah he's in way over his head." I get two free entrees to this place that I don't really want to eat at anytime soon. Bro, if you can't spell, have no people skills, and are a bad server you get no tip. I tip like 25% all of the time... I tipped a penny... I didn't forget to tip you, you just fucking suck man.
Recently, my wife, son, and I attended a restaurant. We've been there before, and we seen this particular server before (two months ago).This individual was a walking what the fuck. When we arrived, I was already exhausted and hungry, my 9 month pregnant wife was obviously hungry and tired, and my 17 month old son was always hungry.
The restaurant was not by anybody's imagination "busy". We're talking about 5 or 6 tables, all 2 tops except one table with 4 criminal justice students. There were about 5 servers on and I'm just thinking "Sweet, in and out". I was wrong, and that is a common occurrence.
We sat there awhile, nothing to crazy, and this server walks up and asks us what we'd like to drink. He mentioned he was a horrible speller and may need to view the menu to spell some things. I didn't give a shit about that, if it wasn't for spell check you'd think a 5 year old wrote these blogs. We ordered our drinks and he sprinted off.
He came back fairly swiftly and dropped off the drinks. It was lovely, and then it started to suck. He literally sprinted off before I could mention that we were ready to order. He was gone for about 15 minutes and came running back through to talk to the 4 criminal justice students (sitting kitty-corner of us);
"Hey guys, ummm, I'm really sorry but your order is going to take like, more than 20 minutes. We have like a 300 dollar to go order, and the manager wants that to go first. Is that ok?"
"Well, no, we gotta go back to class in 30 mins, and it's a 15 minute or so drive... we'll just pay for our drinks and head out..."
"Okay, I'm really sorry guys"
"It's okay, totally not your fault"
That was it. They were super cool about it. He approached our table and attempted to take our order. I was real cool about it, and showed him exactly what we wanted so he could spell it out. He was dumbfounded by spelling mac and cheese. Urg but whatever.
He ran off and came back a bit later to the students. They didn't get pissed when he came with 4 different checks (all of them wrong somehow) and had to go back... fast forward 10 mins. and they are finally walking out the door. Meanwhile our first round of drinks are empty and my son is pissed to the point of screaming.
The server comes up and mentions that our food should be up in about 10 minutes... cool, I'm fucking famished and have to work in like 1.5 hours (plenty o time).
"Ok, 10 minutes is cool" I say
"Ok thanks, I just had to deal with some cops and they were really rude"
Again he ran off... The "cops" were really cool to this guy and he just straight d-bagged it up. On top of that, they gave him another table. A woman, man, and newborn. This guy goes up and the first thing out of his mouth is, "Hi, good thing your not cops, I just had a group of really rude cops." Idiot.
20 minutes later, I don't even see this guy and I'm getting concerned that he got lost on his way back to the kitchen. He strolls around the corner and says, "Hey guys, small mix-up, but your food is being worked on right now."
Ok, so firstly, it isn't 10 minutes.... and secondly fine, I ordered a salad, my wife got a soup, and my son got a mac and cheese, should be quick. Fast forward another 20 minutes, and he strolls by again.
"Excuse me sir?"
"Yeah whats up?"
"Um, it's not a huge deal, but where is our food?" (It was a huge deal... it had been close to an hour and a half since we got there and it was running on 1 oclock... I leave my house at 1:30 for work.)
"Oh, I had to re-enter it. Like I said earlier, it's ONLY my 6th day by myself. I..."
I ignored everything said at that point. I was hungry, my kid was starved, and my wife was doing all she could to not lose her shit. He wandered off after my wife acknowledged whatever he said.
He goes to the computer and starts frantically typing something in. I'm thinking, "that is not our order... no way." As he strolls by I flag him down...
"Did you JUST enter our order?"
"Yeah, if you were listening before, it's my 6th day by myself..." ramble ramble ramble
WHAT THE FUCK!? I don't care if it was your first day out of the fucking womb. If you have a question, ask someone... if you fuck up, man up. This dude blamed like everybody for him sucking at this job. I kept my cool and simply suggested;
"We have to go. I have to work soon. Can we get the check?"
To wrap it up. We did end up getting our food to-go. It sucked, probably due to the fact that it had been 2 hours since I ordered it. I talked to a manager and he douched it up real nice too. "Yeah he's in way over his head." I get two free entrees to this place that I don't really want to eat at anytime soon. Bro, if you can't spell, have no people skills, and are a bad server you get no tip. I tip like 25% all of the time... I tipped a penny... I didn't forget to tip you, you just fucking suck man.
Saturday, June 7, 2014
W.T.F (Walmart The Fuck?)
Sometimes you have no choice but to go into the Hell that is Wal-Mart. Fun fact, we don't really have a choice in this area.... So as the Misses, the boys, and I go to Wal-Mart just about daily, we see some shit. Some shit that I'd just wish didn't exist. I try so hard not to judge people of Wal-Mart or parents for that matter. However, sometimes people are just so fucking absurd. In this post, we'll talk about Ms. Hotmom (ironic name, not actually hot) and Ms. Fatsfood (oh yeah).
I seen these two beauts on the same day about 5 mins apart. We'll start with Fatsfood. This mom was clearly at the end of her rope as her two children (approx 8 and 10) were yelling. I'm not surprised, frankly I'd scream if my mother looked like Jabba the fucking Hutt and talked like Roz from Monsters Inc.
This lady was first spotted over by the "eat this processed shit and you'll probably die by the time your done with one pack". Her older child wanted a box of Twinkies and the younger one was still bitching about some fucking toy that sounded like shit. I applauded the mom originally as she said, "No we don't need Twinkies!" Thank God for that, because you are probably right.
HOWEVER, she finished her sentence as follows; "No we don't need Twinkies, we have those at home!" Whatever, not a huge deal, but this lady's cart was full of what the fuck snacks. And I don't like to judge, but this was one of THOSE ladies. You know the one... Need government assistance? I'm cool with that, but don't load your cart with Oreos, Chocodonuts, and all-a-dat bullshit.
My stomach turned, but I just thought, "You know what, that's her thing... and that's a bummer but oh well." We shall return to Ms. Fatsfood later in this blog. On to the next one, Ms. Hotmom.
Hotmom was spotted by, I don't remember where the fuck, but her kids were hanging out by the RX's. Her son was presumably a Caucasian but looked darker due to likely not bathing for about a month. I'm not being an ass, but this kid stunk horribly and my wife noticed it as well. Her daughter was a bit older and seemed a touch cleaner and adored my clean, swell smelling son.
Hotmom barreled around a corner and ran off with the cart mumbling about some horse shit. I am not 100 percent on this, but I think her daughter said, "Mom, I want to go home with that cool family." She didn't say that but anyways...
We seen a bunch of other what the fucks around that day but we are reunited with Fatsfood as we approach the checkouts. I hear her snorting at her kids for still moaning about Twinkies and that fucking toy.
" STOP OR WE'RE NOT GOING TO ARBYS!"
Shut the fuck up. You and I both know that you are going to Arbys anyways because you haven't eaten in about 20 minutes. Not to mention you just spent every dime of free money on fucking snacks. She grumbled this to them about 40 times.
This lady is an idiot, in my opinion, because you can buy your kids whatever the fuck you wish, but don't be THAT lady that is screaming about a fast food stop. I don't even care that your taking your unfortunate kids to a fast food joint, but don't act as if it's a privilege to eat horrible shit. No wonder we're fat here in the states.
Hotmom approaches the self checkouts as we are checking out. Her son is screaming bloody fucking murder about a Snickers bar. She screams at him to "Fix yer pantsh!" Her young son obviously refused, he was pissed man. She bellows out again, "FIX YER DAMN PANTSH!" You could practically catch the trailer trash coming from her like a disease.
I hear what sounds like a slap, again, I don't judge but what the fuck. Meanwhile dad, equally as interesting, scans over the new Mountain Dew options about which ones may knock the remaining 3 teeth out of his mouth fastest. Kid screams louder, and my son (16 months old) is now staring. Finally we are checked out and get the fuck out of all that noise.
This lady is an idiot for a lot of reasons. One thing I may have forgotten to mention is that this kid's pants were a bit too big for him... like a toddler wearing Rosie Odonell's pants. Fix yer teef, and then maybe his pantsh. I know this lady in fact, she attended my highschool for a time, and she was a whole lotta weird then. Her kid was also wearing what appeared to be an XL Led Zep shirt (I'm a fan of Zep) and I'm just like whaaaaaaaaat?
I seen these two beauts on the same day about 5 mins apart. We'll start with Fatsfood. This mom was clearly at the end of her rope as her two children (approx 8 and 10) were yelling. I'm not surprised, frankly I'd scream if my mother looked like Jabba the fucking Hutt and talked like Roz from Monsters Inc.
This lady was first spotted over by the "eat this processed shit and you'll probably die by the time your done with one pack". Her older child wanted a box of Twinkies and the younger one was still bitching about some fucking toy that sounded like shit. I applauded the mom originally as she said, "No we don't need Twinkies!" Thank God for that, because you are probably right.
HOWEVER, she finished her sentence as follows; "No we don't need Twinkies, we have those at home!" Whatever, not a huge deal, but this lady's cart was full of what the fuck snacks. And I don't like to judge, but this was one of THOSE ladies. You know the one... Need government assistance? I'm cool with that, but don't load your cart with Oreos, Chocodonuts, and all-a-dat bullshit.
My stomach turned, but I just thought, "You know what, that's her thing... and that's a bummer but oh well." We shall return to Ms. Fatsfood later in this blog. On to the next one, Ms. Hotmom.
Hotmom was spotted by, I don't remember where the fuck, but her kids were hanging out by the RX's. Her son was presumably a Caucasian but looked darker due to likely not bathing for about a month. I'm not being an ass, but this kid stunk horribly and my wife noticed it as well. Her daughter was a bit older and seemed a touch cleaner and adored my clean, swell smelling son.
Hotmom barreled around a corner and ran off with the cart mumbling about some horse shit. I am not 100 percent on this, but I think her daughter said, "Mom, I want to go home with that cool family." She didn't say that but anyways...
We seen a bunch of other what the fucks around that day but we are reunited with Fatsfood as we approach the checkouts. I hear her snorting at her kids for still moaning about Twinkies and that fucking toy.
" STOP OR WE'RE NOT GOING TO ARBYS!"
Shut the fuck up. You and I both know that you are going to Arbys anyways because you haven't eaten in about 20 minutes. Not to mention you just spent every dime of free money on fucking snacks. She grumbled this to them about 40 times.
This lady is an idiot, in my opinion, because you can buy your kids whatever the fuck you wish, but don't be THAT lady that is screaming about a fast food stop. I don't even care that your taking your unfortunate kids to a fast food joint, but don't act as if it's a privilege to eat horrible shit. No wonder we're fat here in the states.
Hotmom approaches the self checkouts as we are checking out. Her son is screaming bloody fucking murder about a Snickers bar. She screams at him to "Fix yer pantsh!" Her young son obviously refused, he was pissed man. She bellows out again, "FIX YER DAMN PANTSH!" You could practically catch the trailer trash coming from her like a disease.
I hear what sounds like a slap, again, I don't judge but what the fuck. Meanwhile dad, equally as interesting, scans over the new Mountain Dew options about which ones may knock the remaining 3 teeth out of his mouth fastest. Kid screams louder, and my son (16 months old) is now staring. Finally we are checked out and get the fuck out of all that noise.
This lady is an idiot for a lot of reasons. One thing I may have forgotten to mention is that this kid's pants were a bit too big for him... like a toddler wearing Rosie Odonell's pants. Fix yer teef, and then maybe his pantsh. I know this lady in fact, she attended my highschool for a time, and she was a whole lotta weird then. Her kid was also wearing what appeared to be an XL Led Zep shirt (I'm a fan of Zep) and I'm just like whaaaaaaaaat?
Friday, June 6, 2014
Ms. McFuckoff and her Bitchin Freeze
If you have never had the experience of working in a call center, good. It fucking sucks, especially in a call center selling animal shit. I could sell weed underweight in Chicago and put up with less shit than people who want their dog's fucking sweatshirt next day air for his graduation (the dogs....). This individual we will call, Betty McFuckoff.
Ms.McFuckoff called screaming about how terrible not only our company was, but me individually. I've never spoken to this presumably overweight blowhard, but asked what I could do to help. After about 5 minutes of being pissed off to the point of losing her breath, I hear her take a hit of oxygen.
"I called you fuckers yesterday, and the girl said I'd get my Marrie's shirt by now! I need it today, she graduates in 3 hours from Puppy Academy!" Upon looking at this lady's history, it appeared she was snorting some of her dogs meds, not only had she not placed an order in the last week, she only placed one order, 3 years ago.
"I'm sorry mam, but it appears that we never received an order for Marrie's shirt... would you..."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I will have you know that Marrie is the head of her class and is a pure-bred Bichon Frisse! I think she's probably smarter than you people!"
"I'm sorry mam, but again, there is no order here."
"I should have known you guys were just going to steal my money! I want to speak to a manager!"
"Okay, I can do that for y..."
"DON'T PUT ME ON HOLD!"
I put her on hold... I didn't really have an option to not put her on hold and get a manager. Fast forward about 5 minutes and my manager gives me the caller back. He recommended that I just place a new order for her and waive her shipping (standard shipping).
"Hello, mam, I understand that you and my manager had reached an agreement?"
"Yes, I get the shirt I ordered and 2 more for free! One day air!"
She was lying... bitch. But nevertheless.
"Okay, I gathered that we could waive standard shipping but I'll tell you what, I'll cover the one day air charge for you."
"AND MY SHIRTS!"
"Unfortunately I can't do that mam"
"You are pathetic... you can't do anything right can you? Let me ask you this, do you have any pets?"
I had/have two cats and I fucking hate them. I couldn't tell Ms.McFuckoff this due to the fact that she was a word away from fainting from fatness.
"Yes mam, two cats."
"And do you love them"
"Of course"
"So you understand WHY I NEED this shirt?"
Not entirely. If I'm understanding correctly, your stupid fucking dog (which I'm assuming walks itself to this class because you can't get off your hover round) is graduating a class for dogs... You assume that you need a shirt for whatever the fuck reason that could be. Instead of going to a pet store near you, you decided to call an online pet supply chain to place an order (which you never did anyways)?
If I'm correct up to that point, I'd like to further my assumption that you can't afford the 5 dollar shirt, and certainly can't afford the shipping, which leads me to question how you afforded a dog class. ALSO a pure bred Bitchin Freeze? Those little shits aren't free. I'm not saying you should ever spend money on putting your dog in a shirt, but you SHOULD afford dat shirt doe.
"Mam, I apologize, I really do, but I can not in any way send you free shirts, one day air."
"Well then credit my card back what I paid!"
"You didn't pay anything... we never placed an order.."
"DON'T FUCKING LIE YOU ASS!"
"Okay. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"SEND MY MONEY BACK!"
I'll be honest, I got paid like shit and this call happened to drag on about an hour past my scheduled work time. I hung up (huge no-no in customer service). That was just one of the idiots I had to deal with as a call center agent. Upon looking up her customer number some time later, she had called 3 more times in 2 weeks and said she ordered a kennel, rx meds (for her... not her dog), and her final call was insisting that she knew the owner (wouldn't say his name because his privacy is important....)
What the fuck lady?
Ms.McFuckoff called screaming about how terrible not only our company was, but me individually. I've never spoken to this presumably overweight blowhard, but asked what I could do to help. After about 5 minutes of being pissed off to the point of losing her breath, I hear her take a hit of oxygen.
"I called you fuckers yesterday, and the girl said I'd get my Marrie's shirt by now! I need it today, she graduates in 3 hours from Puppy Academy!" Upon looking at this lady's history, it appeared she was snorting some of her dogs meds, not only had she not placed an order in the last week, she only placed one order, 3 years ago.
"I'm sorry mam, but it appears that we never received an order for Marrie's shirt... would you..."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I will have you know that Marrie is the head of her class and is a pure-bred Bichon Frisse! I think she's probably smarter than you people!"
"I'm sorry mam, but again, there is no order here."
"I should have known you guys were just going to steal my money! I want to speak to a manager!"
"Okay, I can do that for y..."
"DON'T PUT ME ON HOLD!"
I put her on hold... I didn't really have an option to not put her on hold and get a manager. Fast forward about 5 minutes and my manager gives me the caller back. He recommended that I just place a new order for her and waive her shipping (standard shipping).
"Hello, mam, I understand that you and my manager had reached an agreement?"
"Yes, I get the shirt I ordered and 2 more for free! One day air!"
She was lying... bitch. But nevertheless.
"Okay, I gathered that we could waive standard shipping but I'll tell you what, I'll cover the one day air charge for you."
"AND MY SHIRTS!"
"Unfortunately I can't do that mam"
"You are pathetic... you can't do anything right can you? Let me ask you this, do you have any pets?"
I had/have two cats and I fucking hate them. I couldn't tell Ms.McFuckoff this due to the fact that she was a word away from fainting from fatness.
"Yes mam, two cats."
"And do you love them"
"Of course"
"So you understand WHY I NEED this shirt?"
Not entirely. If I'm understanding correctly, your stupid fucking dog (which I'm assuming walks itself to this class because you can't get off your hover round) is graduating a class for dogs... You assume that you need a shirt for whatever the fuck reason that could be. Instead of going to a pet store near you, you decided to call an online pet supply chain to place an order (which you never did anyways)?
If I'm correct up to that point, I'd like to further my assumption that you can't afford the 5 dollar shirt, and certainly can't afford the shipping, which leads me to question how you afforded a dog class. ALSO a pure bred Bitchin Freeze? Those little shits aren't free. I'm not saying you should ever spend money on putting your dog in a shirt, but you SHOULD afford dat shirt doe.
"Mam, I apologize, I really do, but I can not in any way send you free shirts, one day air."
"Well then credit my card back what I paid!"
"You didn't pay anything... we never placed an order.."
"DON'T FUCKING LIE YOU ASS!"
"Okay. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"SEND MY MONEY BACK!"
I'll be honest, I got paid like shit and this call happened to drag on about an hour past my scheduled work time. I hung up (huge no-no in customer service). That was just one of the idiots I had to deal with as a call center agent. Upon looking up her customer number some time later, she had called 3 more times in 2 weeks and said she ordered a kennel, rx meds (for her... not her dog), and her final call was insisting that she knew the owner (wouldn't say his name because his privacy is important....)
What the fuck lady?
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