Sometimes you have no choice but to go into the Hell that is Wal-Mart. Fun fact, we don't really have a choice in this area.... So as the Misses, the boys, and I go to Wal-Mart just about daily, we see some shit. Some shit that I'd just wish didn't exist. I try so hard not to judge people of Wal-Mart or parents for that matter. However, sometimes people are just so fucking absurd. In this post, we'll talk about Ms. Hotmom (ironic name, not actually hot) and Ms. Fatsfood (oh yeah).
I seen these two beauts on the same day about 5 mins apart. We'll start with Fatsfood. This mom was clearly at the end of her rope as her two children (approx 8 and 10) were yelling. I'm not surprised, frankly I'd scream if my mother looked like Jabba the fucking Hutt and talked like Roz from Monsters Inc.
This lady was first spotted over by the "eat this processed shit and you'll probably die by the time your done with one pack". Her older child wanted a box of Twinkies and the younger one was still bitching about some fucking toy that sounded like shit. I applauded the mom originally as she said, "No we don't need Twinkies!" Thank God for that, because you are probably right.
HOWEVER, she finished her sentence as follows; "No we don't need Twinkies, we have those at home!" Whatever, not a huge deal, but this lady's cart was full of what the fuck snacks. And I don't like to judge, but this was one of THOSE ladies. You know the one... Need government assistance? I'm cool with that, but don't load your cart with Oreos, Chocodonuts, and all-a-dat bullshit.
My stomach turned, but I just thought, "You know what, that's her thing... and that's a bummer but oh well." We shall return to Ms. Fatsfood later in this blog. On to the next one, Ms. Hotmom.
Hotmom was spotted by, I don't remember where the fuck, but her kids were hanging out by the RX's. Her son was presumably a Caucasian but looked darker due to likely not bathing for about a month. I'm not being an ass, but this kid stunk horribly and my wife noticed it as well. Her daughter was a bit older and seemed a touch cleaner and adored my clean, swell smelling son.
Hotmom barreled around a corner and ran off with the cart mumbling about some horse shit. I am not 100 percent on this, but I think her daughter said, "Mom, I want to go home with that cool family." She didn't say that but anyways...
We seen a bunch of other what the fucks around that day but we are reunited with Fatsfood as we approach the checkouts. I hear her snorting at her kids for still moaning about Twinkies and that fucking toy.
" STOP OR WE'RE NOT GOING TO ARBYS!"
Shut the fuck up. You and I both know that you are going to Arbys anyways because you haven't eaten in about 20 minutes. Not to mention you just spent every dime of free money on fucking snacks. She grumbled this to them about 40 times.
This lady is an idiot, in my opinion, because you can buy your kids whatever the fuck you wish, but don't be THAT lady that is screaming about a fast food stop. I don't even care that your taking your unfortunate kids to a fast food joint, but don't act as if it's a privilege to eat horrible shit. No wonder we're fat here in the states.
Hotmom approaches the self checkouts as we are checking out. Her son is screaming bloody fucking murder about a Snickers bar. She screams at him to "Fix yer pantsh!" Her young son obviously refused, he was pissed man. She bellows out again, "FIX YER DAMN PANTSH!" You could practically catch the trailer trash coming from her like a disease.
I hear what sounds like a slap, again, I don't judge but what the fuck. Meanwhile dad, equally as interesting, scans over the new Mountain Dew options about which ones may knock the remaining 3 teeth out of his mouth fastest. Kid screams louder, and my son (16 months old) is now staring. Finally we are checked out and get the fuck out of all that noise.
This lady is an idiot for a lot of reasons. One thing I may have forgotten to mention is that this kid's pants were a bit too big for him... like a toddler wearing Rosie Odonell's pants. Fix yer teef, and then maybe his pantsh. I know this lady in fact, she attended my highschool for a time, and she was a whole lotta weird then. Her kid was also wearing what appeared to be an XL Led Zep shirt (I'm a fan of Zep) and I'm just like whaaaaaaaaat?
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