If you have never had the experience of working in a call center, good. It fucking sucks, especially in a call center selling animal shit. I could sell weed underweight in Chicago and put up with less shit than people who want their dog's fucking sweatshirt next day air for his graduation (the dogs....). This individual we will call, Betty McFuckoff.
Ms.McFuckoff called screaming about how terrible not only our company was, but me individually. I've never spoken to this presumably overweight blowhard, but asked what I could do to help. After about 5 minutes of being pissed off to the point of losing her breath, I hear her take a hit of oxygen.
"I called you fuckers yesterday, and the girl said I'd get my Marrie's shirt by now! I need it today, she graduates in 3 hours from Puppy Academy!" Upon looking at this lady's history, it appeared she was snorting some of her dogs meds, not only had she not placed an order in the last week, she only placed one order, 3 years ago.
"I'm sorry mam, but it appears that we never received an order for Marrie's shirt... would you..."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I will have you know that Marrie is the head of her class and is a pure-bred Bichon Frisse! I think she's probably smarter than you people!"
"I'm sorry mam, but again, there is no order here."
"I should have known you guys were just going to steal my money! I want to speak to a manager!"
"Okay, I can do that for y..."
"DON'T PUT ME ON HOLD!"
I put her on hold... I didn't really have an option to not put her on hold and get a manager. Fast forward about 5 minutes and my manager gives me the caller back. He recommended that I just place a new order for her and waive her shipping (standard shipping).
"Hello, mam, I understand that you and my manager had reached an agreement?"
"Yes, I get the shirt I ordered and 2 more for free! One day air!"
She was lying... bitch. But nevertheless.
"Okay, I gathered that we could waive standard shipping but I'll tell you what, I'll cover the one day air charge for you."
"AND MY SHIRTS!"
"Unfortunately I can't do that mam"
"You are pathetic... you can't do anything right can you? Let me ask you this, do you have any pets?"
I had/have two cats and I fucking hate them. I couldn't tell Ms.McFuckoff this due to the fact that she was a word away from fainting from fatness.
"Yes mam, two cats."
"And do you love them"
"Of course"
"So you understand WHY I NEED this shirt?"
Not entirely. If I'm understanding correctly, your stupid fucking dog (which I'm assuming walks itself to this class because you can't get off your hover round) is graduating a class for dogs... You assume that you need a shirt for whatever the fuck reason that could be. Instead of going to a pet store near you, you decided to call an online pet supply chain to place an order (which you never did anyways)?
If I'm correct up to that point, I'd like to further my assumption that you can't afford the 5 dollar shirt, and certainly can't afford the shipping, which leads me to question how you afforded a dog class. ALSO a pure bred Bitchin Freeze? Those little shits aren't free. I'm not saying you should ever spend money on putting your dog in a shirt, but you SHOULD afford dat shirt doe.
"Mam, I apologize, I really do, but I can not in any way send you free shirts, one day air."
"Well then credit my card back what I paid!"
"You didn't pay anything... we never placed an order.."
"DON'T FUCKING LIE YOU ASS!"
"Okay. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"SEND MY MONEY BACK!"
I'll be honest, I got paid like shit and this call happened to drag on about an hour past my scheduled work time. I hung up (huge no-no in customer service). That was just one of the idiots I had to deal with as a call center agent. Upon looking up her customer number some time later, she had called 3 more times in 2 weeks and said she ordered a kennel, rx meds (for her... not her dog), and her final call was insisting that she knew the owner (wouldn't say his name because his privacy is important....)
What the fuck lady?
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